Mississippi Governor Tater Reeves Declares Handmaids Must be “Women Born Women”

Written by Mark McElroy

Only “Women Born Women” to be considered for forced reproduction

Mississippi Governor Tater Reeves announced today that only women who were “female at birth” would be considered for the Magnolia State’s Handmaid program, which forces fertile females to serve as birth mothers for wealthy donors and lobbyists with barren wives.

“Mississippi is a state where the men are men and the women are women,” Reeves said, “and we won’t put up with any of the left’s regendering nonsense, especially in our handmaiden program.”

The Republican governor went on to explain, “Our donors and supporters who have requested handmaidens they can force to bear their spawn by proxy should not be surprised to find they are, through no fault of their own, attempting to impregnate someone born with a penis.”

Mississippi’s lawmakers unanimously passed the “Preserving and Protecting Fertile Women” bill, which Governor Reeves has agreed to sign in to law Thursday.

“In Mississippi, we still believe women should be treated special,” Reeves said at today’s press conference. “We single them out, for example, when we limit health care options, deny doctors the right to discuss certain unmentionable medical procedures, and encourage women seeking unmentionable medical procedures to take vacations out of state. We absolutely will not have men and people who used to be men lining up for that kind of special treatment, nor will we allow them to participate in the state’s forced breeding programs for privileged wealthy donors.”

Clarence Humms, a voter from Jackson, applauded the passage of the bill. “It ain’t right that men should be denied their reproductive rights and be forced to bear children. That’s something we reserve for women around here, and trying to get in on that by putting on a dress and some lipstick is pretty darn shameful.”

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Mark McElroy